What caused you to ever have doubts about the way your body looked? Mostly my peers in school saying I was fat and ugly among other insults of course. Some have said that because I am fat that I wouldn't find a girl (when i was younger and straight) or a man that would love me because of me being fat. Even my own dad actually made me feel horrible. He even called me a fat-ass to my face as an insult which made me feel even worse about my appearance whether it was my hair or my clothes, but him making fun of me for being a plus-sized guy when he had a beer belly drew a line in the sand.
Are you comfortable being nude in front of others? Ie locker room, bedroom, etc. Not really, I feel anxious if I take off my clothes that someone will say something to publicly humiliate me. I would only take off my clothes in a bedroom if someone I really like was there and was okay with my body type.
What does body positivity mean to you? To me, body positivity means being able to be comfortable in your skin no matter the size or shape. I also believe it means accepting others as they come because some things are circumstantial for people.
What is your favorite body part? I'd say honestly, I really do like arms and my legs. My arms because of all the tattoos I have added to them. My legs because of the way they look in jeans. Been told by others that my legs and ass do look nice in them. Which is funny because every time I saw my own ass in the mirror, I kept thinking, "eww" and thought anyone who thought the opposite was crazy. Many guys have said they like my thick ass.
What is your least favorite body part? My chest, abs, and my love handles on my side. There were times I would work out insane amounts of time and ways just to get rid of them and nothing seemed to work. Even with a friend that was into fitness as a workout partner noticed it.
What do you love most about your body? Well, as I said before I do like my arms more now because of all the tattoos I've put onto them especially because I did the original drawings of them of paper. And I do plan to get more and on other parts of my body. I also love how enduring the body can be. I meant we can get hurt and sometimes without medical help it can heal itself or adapt so well. For example, the skin is stretchy it covers our entire body and if we slim down it can slowly over time revert back. And our muscles get sore or ache if were strain ourselves, but if we rest and relax, the pain goes away. I suppose truly what I am saying is that I like how durable it can be to most outside damage.
What would you like to improve about your body? I'd want my love handles gone if not smoothed out, and my stomach and chest to be flatter at least.
What is special about your body? I'd say my tattoos truly, I did the original drawings on paper. I chose everything for the style, subject matter, and color palette. Each piece I have now or even plan to get is 100% something I created or had a hand in making.
What do you do to make yourself feel better about yourself? In my earlier years, I would eat to make myself feel better which now I realize was counterproductive. Nowadays being into the metaphysical I meditate and recite mantras in my head, basically doing more positive self-talk. I also try to remember that karma will catch up with people.
How often are you naked just because? Only if I'm by myself and especially if it's hot outside. Now if there was someone with me, I'd at least wear underwear if not more clothes. There was a time when I was naked laying with a hookup and was truly comfortable. Each time before the level of comfort though I did have the thoughts of, 'Oh, once they see all this, they'll want me to leave'. That has only happened twice out of five times. Twice I stayed because I actually like them, not just because they were handsome or sexy, but they were actually nice to me, and they liked me too.
How often do you check yourself out? Not too often, I only look in the mirror when I am getting ready for work really. There are rare occasions when I do and when that happens it's unexpected. I remember walking the Las Vegas Strip just exploring the hotels and everything. I saw my reflection on the building when I was walking by. The first initial thought was "Why haven't I been mistaken for a celebrity yet?" also "Why haven't I been hit on yet?"
What do you find attractive physically in a potential mate? I usually tend to fall for Latinos or Middle Eastern men, dark hair, and brown eyes, that what I notice most when I first initially talk to someone. I also notice that if they look like a rocker, or as though they're in a band, or even a bad boy I guess I turn into a cartoon character with the heart eyes. Definitely tattoos on them too and it didn't matter if it was just one small one, smaller scattered pieces, or even a massive sleeve. However, even with aesthetics, I do like someone who is kind, caring, respectful, and openminded. Definitely like a gentleman. But that is never been set in stone.
Have you always had positive thoughts about your body? Not always, as I said before I was made fun of for being a bigger guy and sometimes even get rejected by the LGBTQ+ community for being a bigger guy. I remember once going on a date, meet up with this guy at a restaurant. Could tell when he first saw me, he was shocked. He said he had to go to the restroom, but he really used that as an excuse to escape. Then, he sent me a message while he was away saying, "I'm sorry, I don't think this will work out. I'm not used to someone of your body type". Truly devastated I called up my friends and family to see who was available, and no one was. Of course, I bald my eyes out alone in my car until I was ready to go home, even wished that was wearing a fat suit I could take off. Funnily enough years later he hits me up not recognizing me, and I didn't remember him at first then it clicked. So, when he asked if I wanted to come over, I used a line he used on me. After that he remembered, and apologized for his behavior, and what made it even sweeter is that he gained weight too. I still didn't hook up with him even after he sincerely apologized.
What do you tell yourself when you aren’t feeling so positive about your body? I tell myself that people who tease, make fun, or insult me because of me being plus-sized that karma will catch up to them. And I have to remember that Aphrodite (Greek Goddess of Love and Beauty) was depicted in art (ex. my favorite painting "The Birth of Venus" by Sandro Botticelli or the Venus de Milo statue by Alexandros, a sculptor of Antioch) having some cushion, curves. She is considered the pinnacle of beauty even now, and she has curves. And she did what she felt was right for her. In other words, 'what would she (Aphrodite) do?'
Has there been anyone in your life that you’ve modeled your body positivity after? Aphrodite, for sure, because she did what she wanted and never regretted any of it. Another influence for my body positivity has been singer/song-writer, Lady Gaga. The reason being is that she acknowledged the issues she shad and transforms herself to feel comfortable in her skin and is known to be very compassionate to all she meets. And Finally, comedian Nicole Byer, known for hosting the Netflix show 'Nailed It'. She is a proud voluptuous black woman and she had an interview with Wendy Williams where she (Byer) once said "People know what a fat arm looks like whether its covered or not". Realizing what she said was true, I figured why bother hiding anything?
When do you feel most confident about how your body looks? When I wear clothes, I know are comfortable and that I know what I like.
I also love showing off any new tattoos whenever I get them after it's a new work of art, especially one that last forever. And when I dance to my favorite songs on my iPod as if I am actually in a music video.
What’s your favorite outfit that makes you feel your hottest? I usually wear a lot of black and red. I used to have this pair of black jeans I adored; they have since worn out because my thighs rub together. Anyways, my favorite was my black jeans, black t-shirt, my red flannel. And I always sport my tiger's eye necklace any time of day. I will sometimes switch my shoes from my red converse high tops, my black timberlands, or my black cowboy boots (which are truly not made for walking). I mostly got them because they actually fit and they were pointy at the front and on sale. Basically, a lot of dark clothes that look very witchy, alternative style clothes, mysterious, sophisticated, and powerful.
When is a time that you’ve felt the best about your body? Hmmm, I do remember this one time when I went to Australia with a tour group, but I wasn't feeling well to go with the rest of my tour group to one activity. But I ended up feeling better, but I was stuck at the hotel on a bright sunny day and decided to go for a swim in the pool. There wasn't anyone there (at first). I get down there and notice two couples, each is far away. but I slowly get my legs in the water and took the chance to take my shirt off. To my actual surprise, no one was disgusted or at least didn't say anything. I did end up having a conversation with each one of them, and they each seemed okay with me overall. One of them did notice how I did take my shirt off, and she was a local older woman. However, she told me I didn't have anything to be ashamed of and that anyone who says otherwise should bend down as a turnaround and kiss my fat arse. After that, I left with more confidence in my body. Truly, I never took off my shirts before, always went swimming with it on if at all, but something in me told me to take a chance. I was glad that I did. And getting confirmation from an older gal and her husband made it even better.
Who makes you feel the most sexy? There was this one guy who is a sailor in the US Navy (I won't give out his name because he isn't out). He treated me like an actual human being even though I know he was looking to hook up, and he got to know me. Every time he kissed my neck while I wrapped my legs around his waist while I sat on the edge of his bed, his arms on my waist, and mine on his shoulders. I really hope things will work out with him. And there are the times when he ran his fingers through my thick hair and would squeeze my ass cheeks too.
Is there a time of year that you feel most sexy? I do feel sexy around my birthday and around Halloween too. Would always put on my favorite clothes even if I wasn't going out anywhere. And Halloween because I can be my naturally witchy self and dress in regular clothes. I did participate in a pagan festival called Lupercalia earlier this year (which occurs near Valentine's Day) for the first time ever. I noticed I felt sexy during the matching ceremony. I dancing around and when the music stopped, we had to take a seat with the person closest to us. My match during that he loved the way my body moved with the music even as I tried to avoid bumping into the other dancers. Even some of the other men came up to me commenting on how they liked the way I was moved to the music. Hopefully next year I can participate in the next one.
What male celebrity do you think has the best body/body positivity? I haven't noticed a whole bunch of males with body positivity but I will be doing more research after this to see. However, there is a friend of mine in Las Vegas who is very body positive and loves thicker or bigger men.
Anything else that you would provide? Don't be afraid to date someone that isn't necessarily 'your type', you may miss a diamond while going through all the coal. You also get more dates by doing so and gain more perspective on different aspects of life. Be proud of that body because it can endure so much. And finally, be open to listening to other's stories, you may know their side of things, their reasons, etc.
And thank you for having me be a part of this blog, I hope I helped to make a difference for someone out there.
